necessarily unrequited...

"For most people their first love when they’re teenaged... that unbelievable hole that opens up inside them of longing and yearning, of pain, of joy, that huge great bundle of toxic emotions and allied to beauty and opening out into nature and to glory and suddenly connecting you with every love poet and every love song ever written, that explosion in my head and heart will never be matched. You can never hope to recapture the first fine careless rapture as the poet put it, but it stays with you like a good acid trip.

"You know, you get a little flashback every now and again. It will never leave you and it teaches you to look at things differently and to feel things differently. It educates your soul if you like, and all first love is unrequited ultimately because it’s so huge.

"It’s such an act of giving and it requires so much back that it can never be given back and in that you wouldn’t necessarily want to give them back. It’s just like a… It is like an atom bomb. It is like… It’s all the energy of who you are and who you want to be and what you love and what you hope to be explodes, and it is impossible for a single human being to offer that back to you in a mutual way. It would be like matter meeting antimatter.
It’s sort of almost important that what you do is worship and yearn and long, but so that was to me of course the single most important thing in my life and occasionally I get dreams and I’m back there again and I’m still as trembly as ever I was and I get."

-Stephen Fry in an Interview

Let's play...

Clichés or not… we tend to associate certain characteristics with people grouped under a banner.

Did you ever look at someone and muse.. “he is so British!”
So tell me who do you think makes a fine ambassador for the brits?

Mine is Stephen Fry.

Update: Strangely enough, just after I posted this, I found this video. Stephen Fry talking to Craig Ferguson about America in general and taking up citizenship amongst other things.
---------------------------------
I have just finished the BlackAdder series. Season 2 and 4 were fabulous.
Sir Rowan Atkinson, take a bow.

Currently watching - A bit of Fry and Laurie

1 2 3...

Here are some numbers to chew on:
35 states and union territories. 640 districts. 5,767 tehsils. 7,742 towns. 6,00,000+ villages. 24,00,00,000 households.
120,00,00,000 people.
Census 2011 starts today.
Every one of those 1.2 billion over the age of 15 will be photographed and have their biometric fingerprints collected for National Population Register.
Also, for the first time data related to mobile phone and internet usage, bank accounts etc will be collected.
Don't you find it all terribly exciting?!

More numbers to mull on:
Cost of Census operation -Rs.2209 Cr
Cost of NPR creation - Rs. 3539.24 Cr
No. of personnel deployed - 25,00,000
Paper used - 12,000 tonnes

can't believe...

I have heard people talk about how they grow wary and a mild-uneasy fear takes over them whenever things go too well in their lives. Not used to too much good, they say.

I finally understand what they mean.

Yep, now I understand how one cannot simply relish the good luck and leave it at that. That much good luck almost always has some dreaded thing tagged along. Maybe the uneasiness is just the mind's way of reacting to something it is not used to.

Well, disbelief to the point of physically rubbing my eyes and an uneasy feeling in the stomach immediately following the initial euphoria - is how my mind reacted to an extraordinary event yesterday.

I had green signal at both Khairatabad Junction and Jubilee Checkpost. BOTH. And not on some public holiday or bandh or at some ungodly hour, but in peak office hours.

Go explain that! No wonder my poor self couldn't cope.

-----------------------------------------------

Bad news ain't drying up in Hyderabad.

Curfew in some areas. Why? Communal riots.

Nothing quite catches up with Religion when it comes to turning people into blood thirsty maniacs. Of course the problem has always been its combination with the Politics of power

Religion would have probably been spared this bad a name, had it not been manipulated, championed and enforced by those in power... since millennia.

Pink n Blue

I saw him again today. Must be 60-65 years old, sits just in front of the Control Room/Assembly bus stop and sells Jasmine flowers.

The flowers were spread out in two neatly separated groups on an old green rag. He sat on the hard concrete road and his narrowed eyes were concentrating on the needle he was using to piece the garland together. He usually sells only one variety - Jasmine, spicing up his spread only occasionally with Marigold when a Hindu festival is due.

Today however on the farther right end of his green rag, were a bunch of roses; stuff that is not usually part of his modest stock. Some 10 of them in baby-pink color, long stemmed - the kind you find on Archies cards and adorns expensive glass vases. They were starting to dry up and would probably fetch half their price today and close to nothing tomorrow.

I looked down at my watch; it was 8.30 in the evening. At the same moment, he stopped making his garland, picked up the rose bunch, turned them around, had a good look, carefully put it back and went back to his garland.

He will most likely not sell a single rose today.

The roses must have cost him dear. The investment must have been an exercise in hope, a little adventure and risk for him, today morning.

What must run through his mind when he goes to bed today, I wondered.

-------------------------------------

Currently Watching:

The Black Adder - Richard Curtis and Rowan Atkinson

shut shop

I can get a book for a discounted price if I shop online.
I will have to shell out more if I go physically to the same store to buy it.
Why?
Do they hate having customers walking around their store? Or are they incentivizing online purchase so they can shut shop and eventually be online-only?
OK, I have a thing for personally going to a store and picking up a book. Why should I be penalized for that?
Makes no sense to me.
-------------------------------------------------
Alice in the Wonderland is here. Burton + Depp -> Now that's a combination.
Rubbing hands in gleeful anticipation.
-------------------------------------------------
Movies:
A Brief Encounter
It's a Wonderful Life
To Kill a Mocking Bird (again)

Books:
Dork - Sidin Vayukut
Notes From a Small Island - Bill Bryson
The Last Mughal - William Dalrymple
The Argumentative Indian - Amartya Sen
Dreams From My Father - Barack Obama

-------------------------------------------------
Jack: I expected you to figure that out.
Jill: I did. But I had to ask.
Jack smiles sadly at her, knowing the words before she spoke them.
Jill: Couldn't leave any stone unturned before giving up. Can't sleep otherwise.

far and few

Sometimes it's almost like a bet on who can get more morose.
Funny thing this - blogging.
-------------------------------------------
And somedays you wake up like a feather.
Taut and tight, the head neither heavy nor too light.
Like I said once before, the spring in your step matches the smile on your lips.

Guess it helps that the previous night was well spent... around a campfire and under a star studded sky... far far away from the city lights, bang in the middle of a jungle.
I'd say a good followup would be a lazy late morning stroll in the jeep beaten jungle tracks, after a cup of coffee. Not to forget - the coffee has to come from the surrounding plantation - to complete the effect.

FYI - the place is Coorg.
------------------------------------------------
A big BIG recommendation - am ol' brit series called Yes Minister!
------------------------------------------------
This is why my friend says he likes the Manmohan Singh's govt.

all and none

Somedays you wake up wrong,
The first dose of consciousness - full of confusion.
A blindfolded grope for whats amiss and you are no wiser.
Lots of clues and smart guesses later, you still have nothing you can put a finger to.

I wonder about it all day, wandering across the hall lit with the lazy sunday afternoon sun.
And now I go to bed, still scratching my head.
What can it be, afterall? The stuff I dreamt about last night or the thought I woke up with?

much before 'Constitution' became part of my vocab

I used to wonder...
if Aug 15th was when we got our indepedence, what is Jan 26th celebrated for? I knew it was somehow related to our freedom, but couldn't fathom how, given the 3 years gap.
Somebody told me "it was the day we really became independent, really became free".
My ignorance spun a story out of that line - On Aug 15th the british left India, but not all of them did. Some of them stayed back and it was only on Jan 26th that the last brit left our land.
Amusing it is, to look back at the thought today.

Happy Republic Day. The 60th!
-----------------------------------------------------
If one comes to think of daily life as merely a means to fill up the interval between two journeys,
does that make him an escapist?
Will he fall hard one day, knocking his head off on the cold floor of reality?
Or has he found enlightment already?
-----------------------------------------------------
Here is more of Rajasthan. Well more of Jaipur and Jodhpur to be precise, since we have covered Jaisalmer in the previous post.

you know it's nice...

Grand even; when things live up to all the hype and the expectations that follow.
Rajasthan has been a dream since close to 10 years. And woh mukammal hua just this last week. We did the beaten track : Jaipur - Jaisalmer - Jodhpur.

charm or a curse?

Dreams woven in the fading lights of dusk resurface full-bodied in the harsh afternoons of reality.
Simulated to perfection, they rob you of any ambition you might have harboured to turn them in to reality.
The pleasure, the allied emotions and the consequences, they are all there.
How then is one supposed to not give in, stop day dreaming and get to work?

Her brain came with an add-0n: a free but potent nonetheless simulation software.
One could be tempted to secretly smile and turn green at the good luck; I was, but no more.
-----------------------------------------------------
What democracy? What rights? What justice?
Blood riles when one hears stories like that of Ruchika's.

You are a 14 year old studying in 10th standard. You are molested by a top cop.
You dare to file a complaint with the support of a friend.

What follows seems to be taken straight out of the worst possible nightmare.

The cop ofcourse uses his power and position to manipulate facts and evidence with the help of his lawyer wife. Meanwhile you and your family are threatened and tortured to the point of moving out of the city. Your friend and her father are threatened for supporting you. You are expelled from your school of 13 years for 'loose character'. You repeatedly refuse to give-in and take the charges back. You brother is beaten up, booked under false theft cases and tortured. You break and commit suicide.
CBI takes up the case. Rathore tries to influence the CBI officer heading the investigation. No charges of abetting to suicide make their way into the chargesheet.
19 years on, he is handed a 6 months sentence for 'outraging the modesty of a woman'.
He comes out of the court smiling and says he will appeal against the verdict.

The actual crime in question is rendered almost irrelevant by the horror that has followed. I just don't know what to say.

referendum kavali adhyaksha!

In any Telangana debate things inevitably get to a point where the following question is asked:
"But do the people of Telangana really want a separate state? If they did, then what can possibly explain the drubbing that TRS received in the recent elections?"
Things start to get murky here onwards.
Why is a 'no' to KCR/TRS construed as a 'no' to Telangana? If people rejected TRS outright in the elections, then why does the reason have to be anything more than a distrust on his administrative capabilities. After all the elections were for the Assembly weren't they?
Now things would have been a lot more clearer if a simple and straightforward referendum was put forward.
Ask people a direct question with just two options - Do you want Telangana? Yes/No.
Why do you have to resort to reading public opinion from Assembly elections? It makes no sense.
Like someone said on a recent TV debate - its just shows that we don't have the confidence and maturity as a democracy to ask for referendum.

Drama Rama Telangana

After a volatile 11 days, full of fasts-unto-death, suicides, suicide attempts, bandhs and rallies led by students, Chidambaram announced yesterday at 11.30 PM Govt's decision to kick-start the process of state division.
KCR calls off hunger strike. So-called celebrations ensued.
Cut to today morning and the whole state wakes up to a series of crazy events unfolding.
MLAs, MPs and MLCs from Andhra and Raayalseema, across the board from all parties - Congress, TDP and PRP resigned. Students took to the streets and bandhs were called.
93 MLA's quit protesting Govt's 'yes' to a seperate Telangana state.
Makes me go.. you asked for it bro!
If KCR's hunger strike, burnt RTC buses, student protests are taken to represent public opinion and manage to succesfully arm-twist the Govt into granting a state, then its only a matter of time before the other side shows it is capable of all these too.
If OU can students can go on rampage, then so can AU and SVU students. If KCR can go on a hunger strike(in other words.. plain black mail), so can others. If you can burn buses, stone shopping malls and raze down an innocent man's hotel, so can they. Its crazy. Stupid and dangerous.

A special mention about Chandrababu Naidu. When an all-party meet was called just a day back.. all the political parties announced that they were in favour of passing the Telangana resolution. And today Babu wakes up to find his party half-empty.
To turn around and accuse the congress for not taking consensus is so mind-zapping.
If it shows anything at all, it is this - that ALL the parties including the Congress failed to read what was going on in their own backyards.

The ensuing weeks promise full-on political action. As if having a badly divided Andhra Pradesh was not enough, requests for some 9 new states have comeup. In such a bind - what will the Congress do?
I would have been rubbing my hands in anticipation were it not for all the voilence and high passions involved.
But wait.. is it really as simple/convoluted as it seems? Or are there time-tested political brains at work behind the curtains and pulling the triggers and whilst we simple mindedly get all worked-up about it?

I need the guts...

To quit,
sans the comforting security of a back-up plan or a better offer.
Guts,
to jerk off the notion that - holding on is being strong.
Clarity,
to believe that I am not being foolish.

all in a day's work

Towards the end of the trailer there is a shot where Auro looks up, says Paa and then lets a shy ha-ha escape his mouth. Thats it. It was in those 3 seconds that Balki sold me the film. I fell for it and booked the first available tickets.

Balki got the childhood part bang-on. Auro is endearing because he is just what you'd expect a 12 year old to be. Progeria, the medical condition that Auro suffers from is just incidental and as explained by Balki himself, was used as an excuse for the role-reversal of father and son.

So Auro is a happy and much loved kid, surrounded by people whose treatment of him is not coloured by his condition. And this allows him to be a regular, confused, little-spoilt, witty, popular at school, awkward kid about to step into his teens. What fun afterall, is a kid who can't throw a good tantrum!

The kids at school are potrayed as uniformly accomodating and loving of Auro. Yes, all of us are aware that kids in school can be really cruel. But it is quite charming of the film to retain this innocence.

There are unnecessary subplots like Abhishek's rant against the media that just doesn't work. And I found the movie a little slow. But what lingers in one's mind after stepping out of the theatre is the good stuff.

1) Amitabh as Auro.

There is just nobody else like him and I doubt there will ever be. His persona and acting prowess aside, the man inspires awe just for having retained the hunger and drive fit for a 20 year old, after all these years. He has such magnificient roles written for him, especially in his second innings - Mohabbatien (if for nothing, atleast for being his big comeback), Sarkar, Nishabd, Cheeni Kum, Black and now Paa. Each time he essays a superb role, I am entertained yes, but I also feel very happy for him. The guy must be having the time of his life. To have somebody say that of you, and after a career spanning decades and seeing dizzying heights of stardom - is so rich and wonderful. What a Man!

2) Vidya as Auro's mom and Arundathi Naag as Vidya' mom.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Vidya tells her mother about her pregnancy. I also liked the little details like how Vidya always sits in the same little corner in her veranda whenever she is troubled. And she looks absolutely stunning in the movie.

3) Auro's best friend Vishnu.

His frustrations about his father, studies and everything else. The kid is totally adorable. Vishnu's character gives some of the most funny moments in the movie.

4) The Gum Sum Gum tune in the movie - trademark Ilayaraaja.

pet insight

Past and Failure have been subjected to unspeakable abuse since the beginning of time, in the hands of 'Quote' makers. My heart really goes out to these two.
The first email I usually check daily is inadvertently titled - 'Thought of the Day'.
And today it says "You can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures."

We've heard countless others proclaiming the importance of learning from our failures and past mistakes.
Makes me bang the desk infront of me and go... One doubt Adhyaksha!

To learn from the mistakes and still practice the indifference preached by 'let go of your failures' - How easy is it?
Tell me whether to care or not. Don't ask me to indulge in the subtle dance of not knowing how far to go and when to hold back.

a spoonful each of all my favourite ice cream flavors

To know yourself too well is not quite that 'swell' as they make it out to be.
Makes us overtly accomodating of our own failings. Me thinks.
--------------------------------------------
Everything is forgivable but miserable cowardice.
Accusation of every other weakness; you can wriggle out of, with manageable damage.
Not this. It offers no such comfort.
--------------------------------------------
You don't always fight. The blood doesn't always rile.
Sometimes when you are slapped in your face,
all you do is retreat. Wide eyed, shocked and in surprise regret.
---------------------------------------------
Currently Reading...
Neither Here Nor There - Bill Bryson
Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
India After Gandhi – Ramchandra Guha

Recently Read...
Notes from a Big Country - Bill Bryson
Nine Lives - William Dalrymple
City of Djinns - William Dalrymple
The Lost Symbol – Dan Brown
----------------------------------------------
Discovered a taste for Travel Writing. Liked Bryson and Dalrymple very much. Both of them inspire me.
I was introduced to Bryson's work by a friend with - A Short History of Nearly Everything (ASHNE). I had enjoyed it immensely and on being asked how I liked it, I said "It's like someone gave me a spoonful each of all my favorite ice cream flavors".
I have come to enjoy his travel writing even more. I wish I could match his wit.
Wit, hasn't got much reputation as an acquired skill, has it?

all by myself...

To savour a virgin, unspoilt beach. To have it all for just the 3 of us.
To not have another living soul for miles around and to really have it just for yourself.
All of it.

Check. Strike that down the list.


Pichavaram is home to one of the largest Mangrove forest in the world and a spectacular beach. A 5 hour drive out of Chennai, it is a must on every 'to-do' list.
Photos might not fully capture the splendour of the beach, but they still are some of the best we have clicked.. and here's hoping that they succeed in enticing you into going there!
The boat ride doesn't render itself very well to photographs. If the experience has to be captured then a video is the best bet. 1 2 3

Lots be said and some cool tips to be given. But I will save that for the Travel blog that we are planning - IC and I.
There!! I have made a public commitment. Now the blog can't wait long.

One masala dosa and your fav Manna Dey number

Weren't we talking about Brazil and da Silva in the last post?!! Well, we have reason again to talk about them. Brazil's Rio de Janeiro won the Olympic 2016 bid.
--------------------------------------------
What is your list of fav Manna Dey's numbers?
Mine is here:
-Laaga chunari mein daag, chupau kaise
-Zindagi kaisi hain peheli haaye
-Chalat musafir moh liyo re pinjrewali muniya
-Aaja sanam madhur chandni mein hum tum mile tho
-Aye mere pyaare watan, aye mere bhichde chaman
-Ek chatur naar karke singaar
-Yeh raat bheegi bheegi
--------------------------------------------
Winter Light
The Ten Commandments
2001: A Space Odyssey
Gone With the Wind
Quick Gun Murugan
Talking of QGM, how can one not mention - One tumbler whiskey, one masala dosa. Mind IT!

We've broke our mirrors...

The ‘new big story’ is now quite old. That of China, India and Brazil. The Brazil story is quite interesting and here is the guy who is at it’s epicenter - Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva
-------------------------------------------
I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god.

I'm so lonely. And that's ok.
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad, and just maybe
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's ok. My will is good.

I like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack.
I love you.I'm not gonna crack.
I killed you. I'm not gonna crack.

-Lithium
Nirvana
-------------------------------------------
Left a little of myself back there.
Feel richer, I also do.
It is rather grand to grow fond of a place this way, isn’t it?!
-------------------------------------------
Sometimes the answer is - giving up hope.
That peace is out there somewhere for your taking.
That it is just over the horizon. And you just have to sail long enough.
That if you did the right thing, you will find it eventually.
--------------------------------------------
"How can you stand it?" they asked, "not knowing what you want"
But I know. Just that I want more than one thing.
"You can’t have everything"
Why?
"You have to choose"
Why?
"Pick one and stick to it. That’s how it’s done"
Why?
And they went ahead and called me fickle.